Friday, it was OCF girl's nights.

For some reason, I did not look forward to it. I have had a very tiring week. 3 assignments. Enough to drive me nuts. Everyday, vigorous typing in front of the laptop, straining my eyes to the laptop (shit, my eyesight is bound to get worst), reading journals after journals, bookmarking every possible article/journal website, countless times looking at the online Q manual just to either get the format right or to get the referencing right.

The girl's nights, I didn't enjoy it. My brother asked me on the way back what rating I would give it. I gave an honest answer, 4/10. He was shocked. I'm sure he's going to report back to the committee. HAH! One way of finding if things work, save the trouble of asking someone else and ask ur sister!!! LOL. What a brother he is!! But, whatever, they have to get reviews about it anyway. But, really, I did not find it enjoyable.

I have no idea why. I just didn't fit in. I didn't feel the atmosphere. Maybe it was stupid public transport (I absolutely detest it with all my guts), or maybe it was a tiring week, or maybe its just thinking of darn work the following day or maybe it was my own stupid attitude.

The girls were chatting away, I was dreaming off. I tried to get into their conversations but regardless, I gave up trying. It's just everything I say did not seem amusing or interesting. It's like I have nothing in common with these girls. I dunnoo.. isit because I've lived in Australia for so long that I've lost touch of my "Asianness"?

But, amazingly God spoke to me. I realised how much I've put God second. I find I've slipped God behind and my concentration has switch to other things. Darn, it is hard being a Christian I have to admit. Yes, I still prayed to God every night, thanking him for strength and guidance. I occasionally still listen to praise songs and worship God in my own time. But, God open my eyes to see that I'm slowly consumed with everything else. I only have quiet time with my spare time, with time when I have nothing else to do. To me, that is putting God second, which I never ever intended to do.

But it was good just being able to focus on God for just 15 minutes. I didn't take anything away from the speaker. It was a huge messy blob to me, with different random things thrown together to make one message. But, I could feel God's presence. It was great to know He's still there when I'm at my worst.

Sometimes I do ask God to make me a brave person, not shy and timid. But God said, this is who I created u to be. And this is what u will be. I cannot be loud like the rest, I cannot be approachable or sociable or talkative like the rest, but I know I'm comfortable being me. Every time I think of that, I cannot help but tear up coz God made me as a special person. A person that one day will do great things.

This was an edited version. More things to keep from all of u. HAHA.