U think life is easy?

Today, work was one word... horrible.

First, I was dead tired, I could barely open my eyes and my brain is very much half dead. All because of sleeping at around 1am the night before after getting home from Thanksgiving and ended up only having approximately 5 hrs sleep.

Work started okay. I was kinda disappointed that I have to wear the "trainee" badge again. I was like oh no... not again. I don't really understand why I'm still branded a "trainee". I DONT!! Not like I don't know how to do my job okay!!! I am very capable and very confident about every aspect of my job. YES! I am abit slow! YES! I am average as compared to other staff! YES! I am not as good as the others but I know what I'm supposed to do inside out. I don't know why they still don't fully trust me given that I've work there close to 6 mths. It's just so demotivating to have to wear the "trainee" badge again. It just make my level of motivation go from level 9 to around level 3. That's how deliberating this is. But, I try not to let my emotions get the better of me. So, I just carried on like it didn't matter. But, I'm being reminded when first-time customers said: "ooh.. trainee eh??" But I just shrugg and move on.

Everything went alright until I accidentally burnt the microwave oven. Yup, I burnt the microwave oven. There was smoke everywhere, thank God it did not go into flames, if not I'm in huge trouble. It was super humiliating okay. At that point, I was so disappointed at myself. I feel like an idiot. I feel like a fool to think that I would be so stupid to not think before I do anything. The customers were joking about it, lady boss was obviously not happy and the baker made a comment that made me feel worst. My mood went downhill after that. I was so upset with everything that I wanted to just leave. But, no... I had to stay and breath and fake a smile. And! You have no idea how freaking hard it is!! Seriously, my mood was like nothing ever imagine. My sudden mood change surprise myself as well. I was mad at myself, disappointed that they still don't trust me, I wanted to cry, there were tears in my eyes but I hold back.

So, that was my stupid effing shitty day. Sometimes, I feel like I want to tell them that I cannot do Saturdays anymore because I have OCF on most Fridays and I always reach home at around 12. So, it would be quite hard for me to get up, ready to work on Saturday.

And just yesterday, I had to do my re-enrolment. I had to choose my subjects for nt year. And all of my core Accounting units needed the prerequisite of AFF 1120. And I'm really afraid I might fail that subject. And if I fail it, I have to repeat it next year and I cannot go on to my other units. It's really scary. Lord, I don't want to fail it, just please let me just passed it. And of course having to defer my Management exam is quite frustrating to think I have to sit it again this January.

Urgh.. I'm really worried. Really stress. Lord, please save me. I don't know what to do. Why is life full of uncertainties?? Wouldn't it be better if life has a map and a instruction manual? I'll just sleep on it and pray about it.