Struggles

I hate being Asian.

I do love my heritage, just that Asian is link to smart and intelligence people. And me for once is an average Chinese AND not even close to smart!! Okay.. I get good grades because I work hard for it.

I just got back my Marketing essay. And I got an effing D. For those non-uni people, it's distinction. Anyway, I was disappointed coz I was really really proud of my essay. And guess what? I asked my tutor and he told me I got marked down because my word exceeded the word limit of 1000. And by how much words? Let me tell u! 11 words!! Man.. I was SO effing piss!! Grrr..

See. People look at Asians and think oh! HDs and A all the way. But I'm not even close to HDs. I feel like there's a lot of pressure for being Asian. ARHHHH..... especially when the non-Asian people beat u in everything.

Sigh.. maybe its just me. Me being infuriated at myself, seriously.. I feel like a failure. All my life I'm struggling to be the best. It's just so me. I'm a prefectionist. It's not prefect if its number 2, and not number 1. By trying to be number 1, I've exhaust myself. Competition has ruin me, constantly battling with myself, my peers, my sibilings. Being so disappointed at things that may never mean anything to me later down the track.

I will silently pretend everythings ok.