To my beloved aunty.

Talking to cousin Yong was great. Every time I talked or see any of my cousins, it reminded me of my late aunt. It's been close to 2 years since she left us. I will always remember her. It killed me that I couldn't be there to properly send her off. I feel like a bad niece. Aunty was always there for us. She took care of me and my brothers when mum had to work and when my lil bro was sick with asthma.

Once, I was grumbling, complaining that I have ugly teeth and I wanted to straighten it with braces of course. And I still can remember that aunty told me that my teeth look fine and told me there's no need to straighten it. She said I don't look ugly but pretty. I will always remember that.

Till this day, I am still very much disappointed at my parents for not telling us anything about aunty's condition and not telling any of us that she passed away. If not of ah mei telling us, I would never had known. If I knew, if my brothers knew, we could have prayed for aunty and possibly a miracle could happen and she could still be here with all of us. But, no.. I wasn't told. But I still did some praying.

Sad enough, aunty didn't get to know God. I hate to think of life after death for her. It's just so daunting to think about it. To know that we will never even be close to meeting each other when my life is over. And to think about the rest of the family in both my mum and dad's side, and how they are walking through life without God, just breaks my heart sometimes. Every time I visit their houses, every house has an altar, a Buddhist altar. I was scared to look at the altar, even walking by it was hard.

I thought to myself, how can someone worship a God that is unreal? Of course, they think it's real. But I dunno.... how can they be worship an altar when I have a Bible?

I remember when granddad passed away. Yes, I still remember lots of stuff from my childhood. And there was this Buddhist ceremony and we as grandchildren had to kneel and offer wine to show respect, I didn't want to do it to be honest because it conflicted with my Christianity. I was confused at that time, I wanted to honour my granddad but at the same time I wanted to be true to my religion. But I still did it anyway.

I talked to mum about how we should do something to save them. Mum said it would be harder to get to my aunts and uncles coz of their shallow thoughts. But, we could try at the cousins. Talking to them about Christianity is hard enough, and even harder in Chinese. More after, we're half way across the world, apart from them.

But, I'm still praying that someone or something will come by and save them.